well....

::sneaks around the corner slightly frayed and scared:: Hi!! remember me anybody?? I am so sorry I have not updated my blog in so long, life has been extremely crazy yet it has been quite a blessing! Transition is coming along well, still not ft but that is perfectly fine with me. I have been DJing a lot more and I am getting closer to acheiving that all mighty elusive doctorate!! In other news, I have adopted officially a name, and it was given to me by my mother! She stated that the name she has been thinking best for me was Zoe Renee, which I think is awesome! Which translasted means, reborn faith :) which in a way describes my greater sense of being. Anyway, I have moved back into the city and spending some time catching up with some old friends I grew up with, I have even come out with a couple of them and they were suprisingly accepting which was a huge relief. Anyway things have steadied out a bit finally and my life is resuming some order, I promise you I will be back to blogging multiple times a week now and look forward to talking with all of you once again very soon (oooohh and I promise to put a picture of me on here for once too haha). I have a lot to talk about in the upcoming days/ weeks and I can't wait to hear about your lives!! Oh yeah, and thank you all for the wonderful birthday wishes!!! XOXO

Happy Birthday!

To................................Me!!! 24 years friends and still going strong!! Have a great weekend friends!

Introduction to a Wish List

These are things, rather satirical, material, or just plain ole nice that I would like to see happen not only for the good of myself but also the world. This reminded me of a post over at Monica's blog and I just had to add this as one of my first wishes! **the wish being the fulfillment of the MSNBC prophecy with a little extra 'get the network shut down' to boot**



In other news, the first week of HRT is now complete, and I have never felt so sore but so good, ever! Stay tuned!

More Ground-breaking News!!

It is soooo great to see positive focused trans-women excelling in society! From Laverne Cox holding it down on the Diddy show, and to now what I just discovered; Isis! America's Next Top Model will feature the beautiful transwoman Isis (see picture) The 22 year old model is from Prince George's County, Maryland where she was a non-profit worker. I wish her the best succeess on this next season as well as continued success to Laverne and other members of our community shining a positive spotlight for us! Stay tuned for a certain trans-dj to make some noise too! :)

On a lighter note

bottom side of the glass

That was the sight that my eyes embarked on as I finished the first glass of water to womanhood today. My HRT has officially begun :) My nerves are calm and I am terribly excited all at the same time, I really don't know how else to describe this sense of satisfaction and completion, it's definitely not something I'm used to-but it's definitely something I enjoy.

whew!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but trust me, this has been a pretty crazy week. For starters I had to travel to the lovely town of Jeannette, PA due to a death in my stepfathers family. Spent the weekend out there and it was a solemn but a pleasent experience. Then, I spent the past three days in the hospital with my mom because she had surgery, I was extremely worried because there was difficulty with her heart rate but thankfully she is okay now and I got to bring her home yesterday. She has a pretty good track record though, the last time my mom was in the hospital was 23 years ago when she gave birth to me! ^^
In other good news, I was finally able to come clean about myself and my gender identity this past weekend as well as reaffirmation with my mother and step-father, and everything went exceptionally well. I could not have dreamed of a greater love and acceptance. I can now say that I am prepared and ready to engage in the next big big step in transition! I've been cleared for HRT and should be starting my initial regimines within the next week, woo hoo!! I am so excited yet a bit frightened out of my mind!! I think in honor and in maturing to the next satge it is really time for me to consider seriously changing my name, Lola is kind and sweet and everything but I honestly feel that with this next step, it is time for a change, so babynames.com here I come!
In some median grade news I thought my week and my career was on its way to a disastourous end. I was more or less openly transgendered in college, my close friends, ex-fiance, co-workers, fellow staff knew of it but I was still repressed to be so limited within my gender expression. However, once I became more comfrotable and open about my gender, I lost some 'friends' at the same time, some however didn't fall off immediately and allowed their dismay to build (which is the premise to the next part of the weekend). Anyway, I am a part of a DJ message board online which consists of some of the best and some of my favorite DJs around the world. We all get on there several times a day and share music, ideas, humour, advice, and just plain old chit chat. Well there was a thread within a section of the board entitled; "Is anyone on here a homosexual" it wasn't designed to bash or anything, just one of the DJs was curious and also a homosexual and wanted to know how many other DJs on the board was. There were a couple of pages of responses and whatever, people making jokes (nothing offensive) just the usual. I was alerted by a friend that there was a message about me on the board, I login to the board, go to the thread that I was told my name was mentioned and low and behold; someone outed me as being transgendered! I was horrified needless to say, and it wasn't just 'oh yeah, he's transgendered' it was hurtful and deliberate bashing on me and my identity and eventually anyone that had support for me. It was brutal, humiliating, and I felt utterly hopeless, I could only muster the response 'who the hell are you and why are you trying to do this' from which a response of more hatred and exposure continued. The perp even hacked my personal (non dj but tg) mypace and began to message and bother other users on the board and then deleted my page!! Fortunately, the wonderful group of DJs stepped forward and made it clear that they will stand up for me rather the acusation was true or not and eventually got the asshole banned. However, I did have to come clean with one of my favorite DJs that I know personally here in Cleveland, fortunately he was quite accepting as well as the other members of the online message board. I do have intentions of being open and clear to the community (especially now) but I didn't want to do it that way, not at all. But thankfully, its over and my dignity is in tact and I now know I can be open about my gender with the people that I share such a strong passion of music with.
I feel really positive about the revelations that occured and the many changes that are about to happen in the upcoming future. The journey was a long time coming, and I sincerely thank and appreciate all of you for being here with me throughout and for continuing to be with me during. It hasn't been easy, but I'm glad things had to go the way they did to get to where they are now, so with a giant sigh of humility and relief I think it may be safe to say