Crossdressing Mayors, part 1

Okay, maybe the title of the article is assuming too much about the most recent mayoral figure publicly involved in some form of crossdressing (for all I know, the figure could very well have gender dysphoria and actually identify as female of one extent or another) but this topic is honestly nothing new. There's former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani who summoned his inner Marilyn Monroe for this public appearance. Gaining some steam, but not really enough to gain a large disdain from his contemporaries. Next, there is the story of Stu Rasmussen who is actually the first openly out transgender mayor in Silverton Oregon. Stu has gained much applause from the both the LGBT community as well as the general Silverton population, even with more or less failed attempts at mudslinging primarily by conservatives and the media based off an instance of one of Stu's outfits on a hot summer day. Finally this brings us to the story of East Cleveland mayor, Eric Brewer. Controversy publicly began on Thursday 24 September 2009 when Brewer held a press conference from his office addressing recently surfaced pictures of Mayor Brewer en femme that have allegedly surfaced from Brewer's personal hard drive. Brewer, in light of the allegations, is chalking the matter to a mudslinging attempt on him by his campaign opponent, the East Cleveland Police Department (who support his opponent), and WKYC, and WOIO television stations for running and as he put "instigating" the story.

Okay, so there's most of the background, the full article ran by WOIO Action 19 News Cleveland can be found here. Now, there are several things wrong with this most recent story of Mayor Brewer (and I am not just referring to the heinous comments left by some citizens of this "fair" and "progressive" city in response). For starters, there is the way the media has covered the entire episode, using sharp, direct, negative connotations of a man in women's clothing. Instead of viewing it objectively, the chosen route was to seemingly address the entire issue of being transgender as something abominating and disrespectful. Second, there is the issue of Mayor Brewer's campaign members, addressing the entire matter as a "circus" and unbecoming. Now notice I stressed the usage of the term "entire", this is because that some of the near 40 snapshots released were of a graphic adult nature, and for photographs of that nature for any individual, rather they be trans/cis-gender, hetero,homo,bi,pan-sexual, or anything especially for a member of public office to surface would be unacceptable. That's unacceptable not on the part of actually taking the pictures (because that is up to a persons own prerogative and private life) but for; 1. not securing such documents safely, confidentially, and securely 2. the long-standing desire for exposure of persons private lives and 3. the handling of the issue by all parties if/when such information is revealed. Finally, there are the wonderfully open minded citizens of Cleveland, Ohio and it's neighboring cities. I become enraged when on any page dealing with LGBTPQQI issues and there is non objective commentary. Yes, people are entitled to their opinions, yes there is a free speech amendment (with limitations), but as in the matter of a crossdressing or transexual mayor that doesn't want such information publicly exposed, keep it to yourself. It seems as in a city so poor, but trying to move so forward into the future with proactive thinking and societal living, it is so terribly behind. Before I become further engulfed in frustration, I will leave any further commentary to the city of Cleveland to myself until further notice :)

Finally, I am anxious to see the community reaction to the recent events in East Cleveland. East Cleveland, Ohio is a predominately African American populated city in the northeast suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio. With that said, being African American and a transgender person I am really curious to see just how many bibles may or may not be thrown at this matter. I am not going to assume anything because yes, people can and will surprise you, however, once faith systems start getting into the mix, it's a whole different story. I agree with Chris Rock and his role in the film Dogma, in that it's better for people to have idea systems than belief systems, you can change your mind on an idea, but a belief, people will go to war for that. I hope that this latest issue in my backyard will turn around into an enlightening (and hopefully positive) experience for Mayor Brewer, the citizens of East Cleveland, and the city of Cleveland and it's surrounding areas. This issue may be so much more than what it seems to be about when you look at it on a larger scale, depending on how you look at it, this is not only about gender and sexuality, this is about race, politics, the media, the people, the city, the wealth, the poverty, so much more. Please share your views, praises, or criticisms-just keep it objective.

In the meantime, my Canadian flag is still waving in the background, Cleveland is not for me :)

180 days, 180 degrees.

Well for starters I really don't know if it has been 180 days since my last post but if it was then the coincidence is awesome, and I apologize for my absence. As for the 180 degrees, let's put it like this; my name is Zoe Renee which translates "life reborn", which is exactly what I have gone through. Long story short, I am full speed ahead in transition, completely open about my gender identity (::gasps:: even to the other DJs!), and I did it all without the previous feel for need that I had to move far away to do so! Granted, I still have yet to take the extra large step and live full time, and truth be told I still have no desire to stay here in Cleveland but the weight of feeling that I need to "hide" myself from the world is diminished forever. My coming out, actually has gone quite well in terms of acceptance, and the joy I get for being able to express myself is second to none. As for a little insight on exactly how I did it, it wasn't a gigantic public spectacle, on my most active and used social network site I changed my profile picture to the transgender flag and enclosed a status message simply saying; "if you need to know, ask." I have gotten a small amount of fuss from some of my fellow transisters for being so 'public' and not 'stealth' about transitioning and abandoning my male side completely, yadda yadda yadda. Don't get me wrong, I understand the need for some people to do it like that, hell, I even felt that was the way I had to do it myself. In my lifetime, I have never denied being transgender but never before had I openly expressed being transgender, and this next comment is only meant as a personal reflection (so this is not intended to say anything about anyone else except me); I am not ashamed of who I am! I feel that as transpeople we are misrepresented, misunderstood, and underestimated, and whilst everything I do in my life hereon may not be in the name of 'fighting for the people' I am on the front lines making myself and making our voices clear. If there is one thing I have learned from my coming out experience is that good or bad, people need to be aware, it is the only way we will learn and it is the only way we will grow. I am blessed for the friends I have made through here as well as the friendships I am maintaining from my "present past life", I am even grateful for the friendships that were lost due to my coming out; with that in mind I close on a quote I came across on the awesome Monica Roberts blog;

“No person is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow.” -Alice Walker

For once throughout this over 20 year journey, things are in the right place and I have never felt more confident in my life about anything.

life 2.0

So I obviously am no champion at the blog game such as my sister Monica (your rock btw) and sadly it's not because there's nothing in my life worth writing about. It's actually quite the opposite, mylife has been frazzled, busy, and more frazzled in the past months. I never realized how difficult it is to balance two completely different personas, halfs, beings, whatever you want to call it until I began to take my transition to the next stage. While exciting, I constantly felt torn to either be myself or be the person that my contemporaries, fans, anyone else that knew 'me'. So often would I get the 'grow your beard back' talk by my fellow DJs,because sadly that had become os strongly attatched to my image of the DJ I am. It didn't and hasn't wound down to what you hear, but who you see. Needless to say, I'm stuck and I feel trapped, and need an outlet, friend, resource, something or someone that can relate to me and my constantly evolviong situation or just give me an insight...I don't typically depend on others in this gravity because I've always been a very autonomous person, I just don't think it will work this time.. :\

Zoe

bottom side of the glass

That was the sight that my eyes embarked on as I finished the first glass of water to womanhood today. My HRT has officially begun :) My nerves are calm and I am terribly excited all at the same time, I really don't know how else to describe this sense of satisfaction and completion, it's definitely not something I'm used to-but it's definitely something I enjoy.

whew!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but trust me, this has been a pretty crazy week. For starters I had to travel to the lovely town of Jeannette, PA due to a death in my stepfathers family. Spent the weekend out there and it was a solemn but a pleasent experience. Then, I spent the past three days in the hospital with my mom because she had surgery, I was extremely worried because there was difficulty with her heart rate but thankfully she is okay now and I got to bring her home yesterday. She has a pretty good track record though, the last time my mom was in the hospital was 23 years ago when she gave birth to me! ^^
In other good news, I was finally able to come clean about myself and my gender identity this past weekend as well as reaffirmation with my mother and step-father, and everything went exceptionally well. I could not have dreamed of a greater love and acceptance. I can now say that I am prepared and ready to engage in the next big big step in transition! I've been cleared for HRT and should be starting my initial regimines within the next week, woo hoo!! I am so excited yet a bit frightened out of my mind!! I think in honor and in maturing to the next satge it is really time for me to consider seriously changing my name, Lola is kind and sweet and everything but I honestly feel that with this next step, it is time for a change, so babynames.com here I come!
In some median grade news I thought my week and my career was on its way to a disastourous end. I was more or less openly transgendered in college, my close friends, ex-fiance, co-workers, fellow staff knew of it but I was still repressed to be so limited within my gender expression. However, once I became more comfrotable and open about my gender, I lost some 'friends' at the same time, some however didn't fall off immediately and allowed their dismay to build (which is the premise to the next part of the weekend). Anyway, I am a part of a DJ message board online which consists of some of the best and some of my favorite DJs around the world. We all get on there several times a day and share music, ideas, humour, advice, and just plain old chit chat. Well there was a thread within a section of the board entitled; "Is anyone on here a homosexual" it wasn't designed to bash or anything, just one of the DJs was curious and also a homosexual and wanted to know how many other DJs on the board was. There were a couple of pages of responses and whatever, people making jokes (nothing offensive) just the usual. I was alerted by a friend that there was a message about me on the board, I login to the board, go to the thread that I was told my name was mentioned and low and behold; someone outed me as being transgendered! I was horrified needless to say, and it wasn't just 'oh yeah, he's transgendered' it was hurtful and deliberate bashing on me and my identity and eventually anyone that had support for me. It was brutal, humiliating, and I felt utterly hopeless, I could only muster the response 'who the hell are you and why are you trying to do this' from which a response of more hatred and exposure continued. The perp even hacked my personal (non dj but tg) mypace and began to message and bother other users on the board and then deleted my page!! Fortunately, the wonderful group of DJs stepped forward and made it clear that they will stand up for me rather the acusation was true or not and eventually got the asshole banned. However, I did have to come clean with one of my favorite DJs that I know personally here in Cleveland, fortunately he was quite accepting as well as the other members of the online message board. I do have intentions of being open and clear to the community (especially now) but I didn't want to do it that way, not at all. But thankfully, its over and my dignity is in tact and I now know I can be open about my gender with the people that I share such a strong passion of music with.
I feel really positive about the revelations that occured and the many changes that are about to happen in the upcoming future. The journey was a long time coming, and I sincerely thank and appreciate all of you for being here with me throughout and for continuing to be with me during. It hasn't been easy, but I'm glad things had to go the way they did to get to where they are now, so with a giant sigh of humility and relief I think it may be safe to say