Perception; It's More About Mannerisms than Makeup

This is an article based off a comment I posted on Lori's blog about gaining self acceptance with your reflected image, realizing your true beauty through your internal image, and the limits of external validation. My response to the article was as follows:

It's true, external validation can only get someone so far in terms of being genuinely comfortable in their own skin, however, I believe that virtually every woman goes through a struggle one way or another with being accepting of the reflection in the mirror. I have known well established professional models that endure a battle in self acceptance. There are too many external pressures from our supposedly 'objective' outlets in society, there is not enough celebration in the diversity of the beauty that makes us all individually unique and whole. When I am doing makeup for clients, I firmly believe in emphasizing the natural beauty the person has, and if they dare to object, then I dare to prove them wrong. I think as transgender people we suffer a greater burden of accepting our true selves in our reflective and in our internal images. A question that is brought up to me from time to time is if I wasn't passable, would I still transition. My answer, most definitely, being a woman is not necc accounted on by how well you blend into society but how much you shine as a woman. So much more relies on mannerisms than makeup.

Look at what society has done (or attempted to do based off of whom you ask) to Caster Semenya, Venus and Serena Williams, Lady Gaga, etc based off of these poorly perceived notions of what it really means to be a woman. I am fully aware that it is difficult, damn near impossible for me to be perceived as a genetic woman in most areas, simply because of my height (~6'6") But I am not ashamed of being a transwoman, I am not ashamed of my struggle, my dicothomy/dysphoria, my identity, my being, even my height, and with that being said-I would rather be perceived as a transwoman than being perceived as a person who I am truly not. I am growing a greater comfort in my own skin as I continue in the journey of transition, and further realising the truth that a persons inner beauty will project who they really are. Now don't get me wrong, I love makeup, a lot. I'm an artist, I love playing with colour and technique, however, I don't believe that makeup is going to be an end-all-cure-all. Makeup, in my opinion, is to help a person (feel better about their self by highlighting their natural beauty in subtle or dramatic ways) not to make a person.

A lot of people that I have known before transition upon meeting me in my true self for the first time, react in a matter of clarity as opposed to shock. I want to close this article and thought with a statement a good friend of mine told me when she first met me as Zoe; "it makes sense, you have always been Zoe, now you are just finally shining through". I have a bit of a ways to go, physically, emotionally, etc but I think with the support of family and friends and logic, I am stepping in with my best foot forward.

The Story of Caster Semenya

This is the story of another wonderful individual who just happens to lay under the transgender umbrella. Caster Semenya is the South African runner who has come into recent fame not only for an astonishing performance in the 800m (1'55.45") but who has also been revealed as intersexed, beginning with nonsensical speculation over the athletes' facial hair and supposed masculine appearance (possible paranoia & poor profiling mixed with sore loser-ness??). An Australian newspaper; the Sydney Daily Telegraph recently stated that the International Association of Athletes Federation (IAFF) reports the 18 year old athlete having three times the standard level of testosterone for a woman and internal testes as opposed to a uterus and ovaries. Unfortunately, I feel that this situation was a giant media disaster, using derogatory terms (ie. hermaphrodite) as well as the nature of this initial context; making very private medical information public, without consultation of the party involved. It is not only highly intrusive, but also dangerous. Semenya has rightfully chosen not to discuss the matter and maintain a rather low profile throughout the ordeal stating to South Africa's You Magazine; "God made me the way I am and I accept myself. I am who I am and I'm proud of myself." A very tremendous, apt, and yet understated comment; we are all proud of you Semenya.

Vogue Evolution, Family & Pronouns, Etc....

Greetings all!! Well if MTV keeps up just positive representation of transwomen, I may have to buy stock or something! As you are currently witnessing Jaila Simms blow everyone out the water on Making His Band, I advise you to also direct your attention to the hit show America's Best Dance Crew. Hosted by Mr Randy Jackson, this show is another reality competition show focusing on dance crews across the country, you may remember the famous Jabbawockeez crew (pictured top right), that have rightfully propelled to the top, that were season winners of the show. Well in this new season, there is another crew on the rise that is just amazing and will hopefully reach the same pinnacle as previous champions. This crew is known as Vogue Evolution (pictured top left) they hail from NYC and are simply amazing. They draw influences from the house/ballroom scene of the 1920s during the Harlem Renaissance, and making their national/international debut on the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, their timing couldn't be any more impeccable. They are determined to bring the house/ballroom scene to the mainstream eye and I wish them all the success in the world! This groundbreaking openly gay/trans dance crew is nearly impossible to describe in words so I will allow the following video to speak for me.


The next thing I would like to express/ask of my readers is this; How did you handle family situations with proper pronoun uses during the beginning of your transition? Is it so much as right for me to ask my family to practice and use proper pronouns for me or should I just continue to allow them to slip until it becomes a more serious issue within my transition (living full time) I'm honestly grateful to have my family accept me and acknowledge my transition, I have recently given my mother a copy of the book True Selves and she has actually started reading and enjoying it so maybe that will give her insight before I have to. I only ask this question because me and my non-biological little sister were out dancing the other night and my biological big sister was in town and met up with us. My 'little sis' who only refers to me as Zoe and uses female pronouns with and about me (and she has known me before transition) asked me why my big sister still called me 'little brother' and the only truthful response I could think was "it's family, they can slip for now, as long as their on my side". I stood for a moment in my own confusion as I said that and began to over think, per usual. I honestly don't know how to feel about the situation, like I said, my family accepts me and loves me as my true self (well of who they know me to be, we haven't actually all formally met yet) so is the pronoun thing a big deal right now when it comes to family or not, any insight/experiences would be more than helpful, thank you all so much :)

Jaila Simms!!

Good morning all!! Just in case you missed it, Diddy (fka P Diddy, P, Puff Daddy, Sean John, etc) has a new reality show on the MTV network called "Making His Band". Unlike his previous series; "Making the Band" this show is requires Mr. Diddy creating his own back up band. Like all musical reality series, it starts with a hefty amount of contestants in a giant open audition. Some of the contestants are snooze-worthy, boring, even dull, however, one of these contestants is by far a superstar on the rise. Her name is Jaila Simms, she is a young transwoman from Chicago, IL and unlike many of the karaoke-superstars that appeared on the premier episode, this girl has some seriously trained pipes! Sadly, yet realistically, the judges on the show go in to some serious shock and awe and horrid pronoun misusage while discussing her identity during her audition (never, ever, ever use the term "it" when referring to us! when will the world learn? maybe when more phenoms like Jaila are live in the scene, in the flesh, and in your faces, ears, eyes, etc) Anyway, let us continue our celebration of another succesfull and talented sister in our community by watching the video of her audition!

180 days, 180 degrees.

Well for starters I really don't know if it has been 180 days since my last post but if it was then the coincidence is awesome, and I apologize for my absence. As for the 180 degrees, let's put it like this; my name is Zoe Renee which translates "life reborn", which is exactly what I have gone through. Long story short, I am full speed ahead in transition, completely open about my gender identity (::gasps:: even to the other DJs!), and I did it all without the previous feel for need that I had to move far away to do so! Granted, I still have yet to take the extra large step and live full time, and truth be told I still have no desire to stay here in Cleveland but the weight of feeling that I need to "hide" myself from the world is diminished forever. My coming out, actually has gone quite well in terms of acceptance, and the joy I get for being able to express myself is second to none. As for a little insight on exactly how I did it, it wasn't a gigantic public spectacle, on my most active and used social network site I changed my profile picture to the transgender flag and enclosed a status message simply saying; "if you need to know, ask." I have gotten a small amount of fuss from some of my fellow transisters for being so 'public' and not 'stealth' about transitioning and abandoning my male side completely, yadda yadda yadda. Don't get me wrong, I understand the need for some people to do it like that, hell, I even felt that was the way I had to do it myself. In my lifetime, I have never denied being transgender but never before had I openly expressed being transgender, and this next comment is only meant as a personal reflection (so this is not intended to say anything about anyone else except me); I am not ashamed of who I am! I feel that as transpeople we are misrepresented, misunderstood, and underestimated, and whilst everything I do in my life hereon may not be in the name of 'fighting for the people' I am on the front lines making myself and making our voices clear. If there is one thing I have learned from my coming out experience is that good or bad, people need to be aware, it is the only way we will learn and it is the only way we will grow. I am blessed for the friends I have made through here as well as the friendships I am maintaining from my "present past life", I am even grateful for the friendships that were lost due to my coming out; with that in mind I close on a quote I came across on the awesome Monica Roberts blog;

“No person is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow.” -Alice Walker

For once throughout this over 20 year journey, things are in the right place and I have never felt more confident in my life about anything.

life 2.0

So I obviously am no champion at the blog game such as my sister Monica (your rock btw) and sadly it's not because there's nothing in my life worth writing about. It's actually quite the opposite, mylife has been frazzled, busy, and more frazzled in the past months. I never realized how difficult it is to balance two completely different personas, halfs, beings, whatever you want to call it until I began to take my transition to the next stage. While exciting, I constantly felt torn to either be myself or be the person that my contemporaries, fans, anyone else that knew 'me'. So often would I get the 'grow your beard back' talk by my fellow DJs,because sadly that had become os strongly attatched to my image of the DJ I am. It didn't and hasn't wound down to what you hear, but who you see. Needless to say, I'm stuck and I feel trapped, and need an outlet, friend, resource, something or someone that can relate to me and my constantly evolviong situation or just give me an insight...I don't typically depend on others in this gravity because I've always been a very autonomous person, I just don't think it will work this time.. :\

Zoe

More Ground-breaking News!!

It is soooo great to see positive focused trans-women excelling in society! From Laverne Cox holding it down on the Diddy show, and to now what I just discovered; Isis! America's Next Top Model will feature the beautiful transwoman Isis (see picture) The 22 year old model is from Prince George's County, Maryland where she was a non-profit worker. I wish her the best succeess on this next season as well as continued success to Laverne and other members of our community shining a positive spotlight for us! Stay tuned for a certain trans-dj to make some noise too! :)